Punching My Buttons

I'm crippled today. Probably for a couple of days more, too. I'm suffering from gout, and before you snigger...it's the most painful shit you can EVER imagine. It's like having your feet set on fire! I'm wearing one of those adorable surgical shoes because I can't stand to have a real shoe touch my foot. And I'm limping. Slowly. Very, very slowly.

So, this morning, I enter the building right behind some yuppie chick. I can't stand yuppie chicks, but that's really not important to the story. Or maybe it is. Maybe I exude loathing. Anyway, it's about 7:00 a.m. Just the two of us. I shuffled ever so slowly through the lobby (a) because I have no choice and (b) because I wanted her to get on the elevator and get outa my way!

Unfortunately, the Elevator Gods were not with me, and the arrival of the next car was delayed until I finally made it up to the elevator bank. The arriving car was smack dab between the two of us. So, I start to hobble from the right, and she starts walking from the left. For some unknown reason, she apparently thought it would be rude to get in the elevator ahead of this poor, old crippled woman. So, she just STANDS there! It would have been really nice if she had gone ahead and gotten in the elevator and maybe held the door open for me, but no.... So, finally, she says impatiently, "Go ahead!" In a tone that really said "I'm WAITING for you, bitch - hurry up!" To which I replied, "I CAN'T!" (hobbling all the while). Of course, the elevator ran out of patience and closed. She got all huffy and punched the button again, causing the elevator to change its mind and stay, after all. This time, she boarded, and eventually I made it through the door, too.

She got off a floor ahead of me. "Have a nice day," she said, in a tone that really conveyed "I hope you fall down the elevator shaft, you old crone!"

Hurrying to make it into an elevator car that someone's holding open for me is one of my pet peeves, anyway. I hate the pressure! Sometimes my shoes are slippery, and the polished marble feels uncertain when I'm forced to hurry. Sometimes I know that the person holding the door has unpleasant body odor. Sometimes I know the people in there are the strange folks from another floor and I would just as soon wait. Sometimes I just want to be the hell alone! I know there will be another car soon. There always is. Just go on up to your floor, darlin'. I can call a car for myself. No big deal.

Feeling extra grumpy today. Maybe it's the flaming feet. Or maybe not.

Moonlighting

One of the DC area's most beleaguered school districts, Prince George's County (MD), is dealing with another ugly situation this morning. One of the district's assistant superintendents, Dr. Pamela Hoffler-Riddick, apparently wasn't making enough money at her day job. It seems she's been moonlighting for quite some time as money-launderer for an international drug ring! She faces a judge in Norfolk, VA today, the city where she was working when the investigation began a number of years ago.

I am amazed almost beyond words with this one. Dr. Hoffler-Riddick is an accomplished and well-regarded professional. Just Google her. You'll see. What level of greed would push such a person to do this? You would think an educator would be so attuned to the destructive capacity of drugs that she would find some other way to supplement her income. Wouldn't you? I guess I'm being naive again.

But, I can tell you one thing. This reinforces my long-held belief that even stupid people can get a doctorate.

So What Do *I* Know?

I saw The Aviator on Friday night and must say that I truly enjoyed it. Being a Texan, I am usually pained by actors' overdone attempts at a Texas accent. But, I thought Leo did a fine job. In fact, I pretty much thought everyone did a fine job. Except perhaps the editor. There were some continuity issues in a scene involving an ice cream sundae that drove me batty. Little things like that really get to me. So, when asked how I liked the movie, my reply was "It was great - except for some editing glitches." So, guess which movie is among those nominated for best editing? Yup! Goofy sundae scene and all.

Phony Sony

Guess what I found in my inbox this morning! An email from Sony, asking me to respond to their customer service survey. They want to know how well they met my needs in response to my recent inquiry. What a great marketing tool!

I've given up on them. I bought a stand-alone copy of Windows XP and will try to get a clean install on the current hard drive. I'm also prepared to install a new hard drive as the next step if that doesn't work. And they want to know how happy I am.

This is just too much fun!

Sony Baloney

I'm so unhappy with Sony this morning. I have to say at the outset that part of this is my fault. I seem to be going through a particularly disorganized period in my life, and for that I'm paying the price.

Last January, after struggling for a number of years with a bottom-of-the-line home computer, I bought a brand new Sony Vaio, with all the bells and whistles. It was super-fast, had a huge bazillion-gig hard drive, loads of memory. It was my dream machine. Finally, I could do all the artsy-fartsy stuff I've always wanted to do, with no worries about capacity and processing speed. I was a happy camper. There was one little hitch.

Apparently, it is exceedingly expensive and/or bothersome for Sony to package their computers with system disks. The buyer is instructed to use their own disk and make their own system backup by copying the necessary files from a specified area of the hard drive. Sounds simple enough, right? Well...no. I tried it twice. The first time, I was told that I had inserted the wrong type of disk. Months later when I finally remembered to buy the other type, I tried again. I got an error message and gave up in disgust. Big mistake.

I won't bore you with the details of my disaster, but to put it simply, it has become apparent I must reinstall my system. Unfortunately, due to my lack of dedication to the disk-creation chore...I have no system disk. So, I went to Sony's website. They asked me to enter my model and serial number. No problem. I've got that info. The only thing is...the model choices on their drop-down menu do not include MY particular model number. Hmmmmm.... There's another option. I can fill out their "contact us" form. Unfortunately, the form also requires me to fill in my model number from a drop-down list...the same list their main website uses, which does not include MY model. So, I just chose one at random from the list and blasted them in the comments section for this frustrating oversight. Then, I got around to asking about how I can acquire a system disk.

This morning, I got a canned message stating how it was my responsibility to make my own system disk and if I lost mine, or never made one in the first place, I can BUY one from their parts and accessories website. No big surprise. What DID surprise me, however, is that no matter what choice I clicked on their parts and accessories website...not a single page would load! We are talking about SONY here. They have a totally nonfunctional parts website. I expected better. Silly me.

I did fire off another hot email to Sony, asking if a human being could possibly contact me about this, but I certainly don't expect a real response So, tomorrow, I'm going to swipe a Windows XP system disk from work and give that a shot. Whether or not I am able to get a clean install, I certainly will never buy another Sony.

I'm sure Sony stockholders are exceedingly concerned.

Wandering Minds Want to Know...

How do Chinese restaurants get their hot tea so damn hot? Not complaining. I love it. I just wish someone would clue me in so I could duplicate it. Maybe it's just an illusion.

How can people write blogs about one particular topic? Like knitting, for instance. Do you know how many blogs there are on knitting? Loads of 'em. I knit, but really can't find much to write about beyond my current favorite method for casting on.

Is there such a thing as a "Granny Blog?" I'm beyond Mommy Blogging, although it would take a mere hint of interest for me to carry on about my grown kid. It's conceivable I could do a real humdinger of a Granny Blog though. If she were pregnant. Which she's not. That's really a good thing, even if it does deprive me of a golden opportunity.

Do you ever look at someone making an ass of themselves in public and say to yourself, "I'll bet HER mother is proud." Well, you know what? Sometimes they are! I know the mom of a demonstrator at yesterday's Inaugural Parade. The kid got bonked on the head. And maced. She's proud as punch. I asked her, "What, exactly, is LuLu protesting?" "Oh, I don't know. Something or other. Things in general, I think. I got it on tape!"

Is this a great country, or what?

It's Da Bomb!

Everyone's all atwitter this morning over a rumoured dirty bomb plot focused on Boston. Read all about it here

Maybe it's just me, but isn't it somewhat counterproductive to announce to the world that this investigation is ongoing? Hell, they've even released the names of some of the suspected terrorists! Wouldn't it make more sense to...I don't know...sneak up on the culprits? Now that the story has broken, if *I* were these bad guys I think I'd be laying a little low for a while and give it my best shot later on when things have cooled off.

Maybe there's something I'm missing, but I just can't imagine that this will be helpful.

Slow Moron Day

I should practice what I preach and not post when I have nothing to say. I'm not pissed at anybody today...yet. The Local NBC Affiliate made so many gaffes this morning that poking fun at them lost all its sport. I'm trying to be ticked at the dentist who stood me up yesterday afternoon, but am having difficulty caring that much.

Maybe this is just a good day. It's supposed to snow this afternoon. Snow still has magical powers over me, even though this is my sixth winter here. I have milk, bread, eggs and tea. And fake logs for the fireplace. Plenty of kitty food and litter. And lots of that melty crap to throw on the sidewalks. What more could a girl want?

...Oh, that....

Vote Early and Often

I was going to bitch this morning about the hated Local NBC Affiliate referring to people as "Iraqi-Americans" when discussing the Iraqi voter registration process currently being conducted in several absentee polling places in this country. How I HATE it when Americans are hyphenated!

I started raising hell about how these people are Iraqis and not Americans. Just because they live here doesn't give them the privilege of calling themselves Americans. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

And then I discovered that citizens of this country ARE allowed to vote in Iraq's election, if they can prove their father was/is a citizen of Iraq!

Hmmmm.....I guess Americans ARE voting in Iraq's election.

In the immortal words of Emily Lutella....

"Never Mind."

But, I still don't like the hyphen.


Oh, and P.S....

The security required to maintain the safety of these potential voters is costing the hapless county tens of thousands of dollars per day. County leaders are hoping for reimbursement from Homeland Security funds. Or maybe the the "Iraqi-Americans" could all chip in and cover the costs.

Who's Yer Daddy?

I've been trying to ignore the Evan Scott case. You know the one....3.5 year old child removed from the home of the couple who has raised him thus far. This weekend he was returned to the custody of his biological mother. Everyone's all up in arms about the callous courts doing such a heinous thing to this poor child.

Give me a break!

3.5 years ago, the Scotts were all set to adopt Evan at the time of his birth. Suddenly, the child's biological father exercised his parental rights and blocked the adoption. So, what did the Scotts do? Rather than gracefully bowing out and allowing the child's biological parents to raise him, they hung on to the baby. And more than three years later, they view him as their child. Legally, however, they have no rights to him whatsoever. They condemn the courts for not acting "in Evan's best interests." How about THEIR actions and how they negatively affect the child's welfare? Did they think the boy's natural parents would just go away eventually, if they held on to him long enough? How could they raise this child for three years, with no legal right to do so, and think everyone was going to live happily ever after?

The Scotts should have found themselves another baby. This one belongs to someone else. "Finders-keepers" doesn't apply to kids.

Ewwwww, baby!

Am I the only one who thinks the Quizno's ads with the semi-animated baby (complete with Lounge Lizard voice) are...well...creepy? These ads gross me out on a level equal to the scenes of hair removal cream taking bushels of hair off some Neanderthal's back.

Not cute. Not funny. Just plain disgusting.

But, maybe it IS just me.

Tony Orlando and Yawn

Tony WHO?

I can't believe that the big-name entertainer for the Inauguration is Tony Orlando. That one came out of NOwhere!

Maybe he's the only Republican entertainer they could find.

This should be fun to watch. Or painful. Or both.

Local News Rant

I knew it wouldn't take me long. The local television news (specifically the NBC affiliate) drives me nuts. I seem to be addicted to television...can't bear to turn it off. So, I suffer mightily with the ineptitude of the local staff. Where DO they get these people?

First of all, there's too damn much "news." I think they should just say, "OK...that's about it for today. Not much going on. Instead of rehashing and rehashing what you've already heard a half-dozen times, we're going to show these pretty pictures of children running through a field of daisies. If something newsworthy actually occurs, we will break in. "

So, the Story du Jour is about the local police having solved a hit-and-run from the previous summer. Now, that's really gotta be a feather in their cap. No question. Here's the deal...this old man was attending his birthday party and left on foot to go buy a disposable camera. At some point during his errand, he was run down by an unknown vehicle. The next morning, his body was found in a ditch by the side of the road. Very sad. But, here in the Hit-and-Run Capitol of the Free World, it happens a lot. In fact, reporters will often say "the driver of the vehicle stayed at the scene of the accident" - because that's a really unusual occurrence. But, I'm straying....

In this particular instance, there were very few clues - except for a number of tiny pieces of the vehicle found at the scene. Some other clues came in from concerned citizens later. Eventually, they figured out who did it and arrested him yesterday. Nifty police work, huh? Definitely newsworthy.

So, never mind that the NBC affiliate reports the same damn story EVERY FIFTEEN MINUTES! They can't resist saying something at the end of the story like "Mr. Smith was run down on Father's Day weekend." Or, "The accident occured the Night Before Father's Day." As if the driver was out hunting down fathers or something? Nooooo.... This is a blatant attempt to manipulate us into feeling more sorry for this man and his family than we already do. For what purpose? I just hate being manipulated.

So, I'm in the car coming to work. The radio is on and it's time for the local news. Of COURSE the lead story is the arrest of the driver. But, you know what? All they state are the facts....it was an unsolved case from the summer...the guy's been arrested...the victim's family is relieved. That's it. No embellishment. How freaking refreshing!

Don't Go Getting all Honorable on Me....

I've been thinking about blogging so I can bitch about all the things that really piss me off or totally mystify me...or both. I guess occasionally I might talk about something neat, but really - how often during your day do you stop and say, "Hey...that's neat!" Usually, it's more like "What a MORON!" At least, that's the way it is in MY world. Your world's not that way? Lucky you.

So, this morning I was listening to the news (local television news will most likely be a subject of a future bitch session) when there was an update about the boy who needs a very expensive biopsy and so his mom tried to raise money on eBay to pay for it. Surely you heard about that. Anyway, after an initial flap about the whole thing, she auctioned off a bumper sticker for $10,000. Great! We're all happy for her and the kid and all. But, get this! This morning they're reporting that she's turning down the money because - GASP - the winning bidder is an online gambling concern. Pardon ME! WTF!?

Does this woman want her kid to have the biopsy or not? I'm tellin' ya...if it was MY kid, I'd whore on Main Street if that's what it took. God save me from the Righteous! Someone take that child into protective custody will you? His mother's apparently a lunatic.