My Heart is Hardened

A long-time acquaintance died over the weekend. We weren't friends, exactly. Time and distance made that impossible. But, she was a nice lady, and I liked her. Her husband and I were colleagues once, and when he moved on to greener pastures - within the same organization - we continued to work together in a different capacity for maybe 25 years or so.

This morning, the husband posted a moving announcement/tribute to her, referring many times to her strong spirit, her courageous battle and the appreciation of all of those who loved her so very much. I can just see him sitting in his den, composing this, with big tears running down his face.

And then the next picture I get is of him with his long-term girlfriend. My sympathy is short-lived.

Or maybe he really IS torn up. After all, he has aged. And not well. He's not remotely attractive any longer. Like Carly Simon says, "The river doesn't seem to flow here anymore." Maybe the girlfriends all deserted him years ago. Maybe his faithful, dedicated wife really WAS the center of his universe this last decade or so. Maybe he came to realize her value. I'm feeling myself soften again.

But then again, there's that picture of him in a tux, his girlfriend in evening wear by his side - heading out for a night on the town. While those of us who knew the gentle person he left at home...just gawked.

I dunno...I just can't shake it. I hope she knew. There's something demeaning about being in the dark about these things. And I hope she forgave him. For some reason I can't. But, then again, I don't love him. Love is a powerful thing.

God Bless you, girl. Rest in peace.