Yes...TOTALLY sold out!

We've had several sold-out events lately. While we're always delighted to have a sell-out, I wish we'd sell all but maybe 3 or 4 seats. My heart just dreads the moment we get to zero seats available.

"You're sold out??? TOTALLY?"

What I want to say is "No, asshole. We're semi-sold out, but I'm not giving YOU any tickets! I'm all-powerful, and manipulating your life gives me my jollies!"

Doesn't "sold out" mean TOTALLY sold out? I don't get it. But, you would not believe how many times I get that response when I tell someone we're sold out.

And, then there's the old "I know you keep some tickets back." Well, nooooooo, I don't. What would be the purpose in that? And, if I DID have some tickets in my back pocket, why in the world would I release them to some obnoxious stranger who shows up the morning of the event, expecting me to jump through hoops for him. Ain't gonna happen, honey. I stopped hoop-jumping a long time ago. I's bad for my knees.

My next favorite response comes just prior to the sell-out: "All you've got left is the back row of the balcony? You don't have something kind of in the center...close to the stage?"

"No, idiot...I DID have those seats about three months ago when this event went on sale, but since you've just gotten your act together about eight hours prior to curtain call...no. Nothing except the last row of the balcony."

"But, I NEED a good seat! I _________ (fill in the blank with the appropriate excuse - 'can't get around so good, can't see very well, can't hear very well, have worshiped this guy since the third grade, play the piano, too, promised my mother I'd get her good seats.'")

Yesterday, some guy told me I was ruining his big marriage proposal because I couldn't give him seats next to the stage. He just now THOUGHT about making these arrangements? (He came in about 6 hours prior to curtain.) BTW, he and his girlfriend arrived separately...or that was the plan. She was a no-show. I wonder if she would have said "yes?"